Monday, December 1, 2008

morningtime (whining)

I hate people who say "And that says it all!" when proving a point.

I'm also feeling lately that there is a giant conspiracy around me to not tell me that I am becoming massively obese.  
I'm not writing this for some kind of attention or like so people will tell me I'm not fat.  It's hard to explain.  I can see a 400 lb. woman on television and know how far I am from that, but it persists.  Do you ever feel like flaying off your own flesh?  Do you ever hate yourself that much?  Why won't anybody touch you?  Is it because you're really fat and everybody's trying to spare your feelings by not telling you?
I think my family would always just tip-toe around such issues.  When I hit puberty I was bigger than everyone for awhile and had that awkward baby-fat thing going on and they'd always drop hints about like how I should work out or eat less (except my brother, who would just tell me I was fatter than everyone and that no one else would tell me so I didn't feel bad).  Then, while I was still in the thick of everything, I'd look back at photos of myself and be mortified.
To this day nobody will just tell me "yes we could hear you throwing up for a year before you moved out."  
"We thought it would just go away if we ignored it."
and it
except not?

1 comment:

rachelise said...

when my aunt was talking about how obesity is "not that much" that it "doesn't take that much to be obese," i retreated to my room and thought to slice off bits of me and present them to her.

"here. am i no longer obese? is this better for you?"

but instead i just thought of how much of a bitch she is. and how i'd rather have a full scoop of ice cream than a tiny tiny spoonful (as she did).
and she is ugly anyway. physically and other. and no one is perfect anyway.

and saxby chambliss fondled a little girl's breast ( i am watching the daily show )