every winter

my mind goes kind of numb and life becomes a comic book.

I've been sitting on my couch staring into nothing for about half an hour now, what shook me out of it was this sudden indescribable urge.  I was looking at the television (off) and feeling really odd, and then looking around the room frantically until I found IT, a reflection of myself, not here or there or there but in the side of the rum bottle, and I felt better.  The surface of the tv isn't reflective from straight-on and it made me feel just so unsettled that I couldn't find a reflection anywhere for a minute.  

I am so fat I sicken myself,I want to mutilate my body in some way but nothing seems right.

Feeling pretty ridiculous.  

Feeling pretty desperate for something but it's probably just a cigarette.  

edit: this wasn't a fancy metaphor about how I could only see myself in the rum bottle.