Thursday, January 8, 2009

my hand

I was awake at 6 again this morning and was up for a couple melancholy hours, but managed to get back to sleep at which point I immediately dreamed my apartment was full of family members for some holiday and I was fixing something upstairs.  I was struggling angrily with whatever it was but then it seemed to be fixed!  But my left hand stung, and I looked down and there were two crooked but neat cuts across the palm, horizontal and vertical.  I shrugged it off but a few minutes later felt something warm and wet on my forearm and looked down to see spiraling ribbons of blood bloom from my palm and flow down to my elbow.  The point where the cuts intersected had burst open or pulled away, revealing how deep the cuts were; a flap of skin was hanging off and I could clearly see bone.  
"I should probably go to the hospital," I thought, feeling dizzy.  The rest of the dream was long and in full detail but I won't get into it.  Basically went all about town for the holiday and I kept telling people I needed to go get stitches, and they would agree with me then go back to whatever they were doing.  My fingertips turned dusky purple on both hands.  What was odd is the fact that my hand hurt, in the dream, I don't know if I was laying on it (I wasn't when I woke up) but every few minutes I'd look down and see all the blood and the open, trembling wound and it would start aching badly and I'd hold it in front of me, moaning and whimpering, while nobody paid attention.
By the end of the dream it had started healing and I'd stopped showing it to people. 
Right now my arm still has mild throbbing pains and I keep looking at my hand expecting to see blood.  

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