bluster

I keep trying to graft some kind of "oh what a special day" feelings onto today but it's not working. The most special holiday feeling I am having right now is smelling the bacon my downstairs neighbor is cooking, and knowing that I have thick-sliced bacon in the fridge. I feel the same way when I walk into my building after a long day and the same neighbor has made the hallway smell like a sweetly acrid pine tree. I like this neighbor; he has a cough and I hope he feels better soon.

None of this lack of xmas joy is meant to imply negativity. N(eg)ativity. I am potentially having the best X-mas of my adult life thanks to no familial responsibilities. Thanks to being able to sit around all day and feel my bicycle-legs atrophy some more, and not having to talk to anyone I don't wish to. Thanks to the bacon in the fridge, the rendered fat of which will make my leeks and onions tender for soup. I am going to make coffee soon; god, this pleases me. The snow feels isolating and right; I am feeling decadent in my warm and wind-blown tower. The everything of things still looms but for the past few days I've tripped the breaker back to a baseline of calm, thank you body, thank you mind, I needed.