virginity poem

body muttering a new language
a novel power in knee-high leather boots
freshman spanish estoy estas
estamos estamos estamos

terribly symmetrical aquiline half-egyptian
fucker in his giant matte black truck
that rumbled you from throat to hocks
when he said
cute.

fishnets fourteen and flailing
ghost pilot at the wheel of the
hormone fugue,
the year everyone thought you
and were the german girl,
welcome, your english is so good,
do you like it here,
september 2001 a gray bright
shining crumbling deviant
demi-god throws a chair into
a bank of computers and
meet me in the empty hall let's
go let's go let's go let's go

to his old wood musty-porch house
on the couch kiss me it is raining outside
softly on the windows so
sitting at the piano play moonlight sonata
up on the wall is a framed white
square scrawled in blood
"i <3 u guys"
from his little brother in my class
who four months before had
stuck a rifle in his mouth
left that last message on the wall &
sent us reeling

O I don't believe there is a god
any more
was i born with what you like
do you like my

the sunken center v where my ribs go to my heart
i know you know i knew you
wouldn't love me longer joking
how many girls' virginity you took before
but it's just a bitter joke
like it all is
you'll call me sweet
i'll miss it always