i tried to write today

this happened. i'm gonna put it here i guess. gonna try to do it more. intention announced.

freewrite (blocked)
it's a good thing you didn't
write what you thought back
when it happened those who
you loved with their sweet
silky silk blah fuck cursing
words a cur a butter curse or
a boy who was christian bale
in a newsboy cap or the name
of a medication you were
prescribed, how it sits in you,
what is going on in my
innards; overwhelmed by
hate for strangers instead
of feeling love/embraceful
of them, want to hide
away it is time to be
quiet don't look at me
my hair is ugly right
now but this basil
smells so good. I kind
of hate my dad

How about the sky, that is
trite as fuck and do you want to play I
can't do these gymnastics
gynastic growing
back the hymen so
poetry can fuck it out
again Spend all
your time obsessing on
misfired brain cues,
why can't I see myself
why can't I see myself
shut the FUCK UP
I could never get past
these big NE thighs
The name of a place
you have been.

I'll show you
an image
This is not a
Manifesto. I want it
to be but this brain done
got dumb; I am so
ashamed to bore you or to be misunde
rstood I think --
Would you like to I don't know ask me some
thing I want to draw a cat

(cat drawing)

The cat is drew.
There is someone with
a newspaper behind me
look what I achieve
achievement I
will give you what
you need swirls can
you smell it on my
feeling nihilistic,
anachronistic dichoto
mistic mystic misty
blisty this is lazy
where did my sauce
go brown sweet
tamarind spiced
like we like it, pepper

I fukkin hate your
noisy truck. I fukkin
hate all of it.
Trucks saying
Restoration
Erosion Control
go up in the shade
I want to kill you
your wrasslin and
in-jokes don't TOUCH
that chair. Looking, looking,
looking, looking,

These cues repeat. I
said don't TOUCH that
fuckin
custom shit bro. Don't
pay your money for
something

A concept. Stop me an
during

Don't be silly that is
a learned condition
a tic of solicitation
a stupid party trick

Draw a repeating
pattern coil
into fractal
piss land.

Frittering, frittering.
I want whatever you have that is better
this SUCKS
GFY

Hobbling, I have
a mind and a half but
gut to keep it down
There is a lot of
anger in here. Is it
b/c I hate my dad, and
your mom and anyone
who ever made you
feel bad.

I just want to make
the team. I am so
well rounded.
I am a successful
architect at an
architecture firm
please be less
FUCK YOU ALL
logarithmics hip
hop poppa ya don't
stop
I want to be free and alone today, I
suck @ writing poems
love you
love me
I guess gonna read my book now
Say some smart shit
occupy some tension
between home and the
rest of the world,
sit in the concepts
draw from them
absorbently, seek
new sponge-ing