Wednesday, September 26, 2012

anemic dreamnotes

i dreamed that a small leopard owned by my sister came in my apartment through the window, intent on attacking my cats.  i was sluggish and couldn't stop it in time and it mutilated one of their hindquarters before i grabbed it by the neck and hurled it back out [the way wild animals are solidly muscled under skin].  i dream about my cats when it feels like i have a lot to take care of, life-wise.  or i dream about kittens or birds, dozens of them in fantastic colors that i am now in charge of looking after.
when i have a fight with close friends i dream about my sister.  when i fight with a close friend i usually dream i am beating the fuck out of my little sister, except my fists are slow and mushy.
i guess i'm writing about dream things.  i have not been dreaming much lately, but it's starting to pick up again and sometimes leave me feeling a terrible implacable sadness that lingers into the day like smoke.  these are autumn feelings maybe.
i dreamed the apocalypse again the other morning, it started in the rocky mountains and a widening hole opened up in the earth that grew.  when you're on top of a mountain the rest of the world feels impossible to grasp; the chasm was like that but a black anti-finality plunging downward, growing.  you're with packs of people [the way eyes look in disaster scenarios]. at the end it began to rain, and the rain turned to a soft white slush and the only sound was the hushed pat-pat-pat of precipitation over the dull throaty wind noise of the chasm.  i woke feeling sad and accepting about the end of the world.

it took me a month to get my car fixed.  this was a discouraging mental block i'd like to avoid more, seeing an easy solution but being paralyzed by some unnameable sluggishness.  i am checking many things off of many lists with tenacity.  i am really "manifesting" in ways i find pleasing, i like to think.  i am turning twenty-six years old very soon, this is mostly just fine.  things are pretty eerily great and i feel pretty solid in the world.  just great. 


No comments: