worry small pebbles in your palm

work, work in numb bursts
blast above the grip
of muggy mind-atmosphere,
flutter repeatedly to social media
release calculated distress calls
disguised as wit and triumph,
fantasize of letting your head rest     but you know
once it gets there that it'll just be stuffed
all in your foggy arm-folds and smelling the desk smell,
and you will not have disappeared.

spend concentrated hours
jamming grenade pins into various fruits
beat your fists sharply against your
largest muscle groups for the sweet
narcotic pain-spread

consider your blood a lot
consider tattoos of tigers
consider cheap tickets
consider fine cigarettes

chase the sleepy bliss hours
where you can harbor but not
disembark